Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

By Mark Manson

4/5

A life changer. This sums up the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. After you’ve read it, you'll go look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what do you truly give a f*ck about? Do those f*cks make you happy? If not, why the f*ck haven’t you changed anything?

Unlike Mark Manson, I am going to refrain from writing any more f*cks as adding the asterisk is extra work. Unlike me on that note, Manson doesn’t refrain from a lot, which is refreshing, and he justifies it well. His chapters: Happiness is a Problem, and You Are Not Special are genuinely uplifting and not in a way that is tricking you. Manson bases his writing on academic research and discusses his ideas through general and personal anecdotes. He backs every statement he writes with clarity and simplicity so it's easy to follow while being an engaging quick read.

I always feel sceptical about self-help books, it’s too easy to write stuff down and tell other people to think a certain way- it seems like a con because who can claim they know all of life’s mysterious answers? But Manson basically says there are no answers, and we need to be okay with that. It’s our responsibility to deal with that in a way that we can be happy in our lives.

However, in the abyss of no answers, you need to want to struggle for something, because you’re either struggling for nothing- which takes you into the hole of depression- or you are struggling for something you want. Initially, I thought no I definitely don’t want the struggle, I want the result and I would happily eradicate all the struggling parts. But life doesn’t let us do that, and if it does then you won’t truly be happy because it's human nature to want to fight for something. It's impossible to always be content; humans make problem after problem so there is always something to fix.

“If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.”

If we are content it’s only from the result of achieving something, then we move on to the next thing to fix. It seems pointless from this perspective but it's either that or facing existential dread. Manson also emphasises that if we (which so many of us do, thanks to the relentless encouragement of social media) place value on materialistic or superficial things, they won’t make us happy- it is only temporarily meaningful. Manson advises you to prioritise your life and find the value in your work, relationships, social circle or whatever else it may be. If it’s not how you want it then take the responsibility of reorganising your brain and use the power you have to struggle for something worth it.

“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

The more I read, the more I felt my brain clicking certain thoughts into place. I had to agree with Manson that our brains are not reliable and what we think is not fact. The paradox of happiness leads us to the point of needing to handle adversity better; we will be hopeful and happier for it.

“Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance. Seriously.”

The book is different from usual self-help books, it is brutal and honest, and it gives you a sigh of relief when it tells you that positive thinking is not the secret key to a happy life. Also, Manson’s writing continuously strikes a chord in your mind because he expresses his arguments in a witty and well-structured way. I’d highly recommend reading it if you are prone to anxiety- and even if you’re not, just read it because during self-isolation you might as well do some self-reflection.

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ckworthy.”